Yesterday was a rainy day. Took my car in for a tire rotation and I needed two new tires, our leak above our window in our living room that has been "fixed" 5 times is still leaking, we are low on dough this month because of furlough days...so extra expenses are not exactly welcomed...as if they ever really are.
I was walking back to my car from eating a 60th birthday dinner with a friend, last night in the dark..downtown...in the cold...in the pouring down rain.. I called Jack to check in. The conversation was brief...I asked how he was...he said terrible..jackson was screaming in the background...apparently the bucket under the aforementioned window leak fell over and as he was cleaning up the water off of the floor, the lamp fell and shattered into a thousand pieces..so Jack put Jackson in his crib to keep him away from the glass..and thus the screaming in the background.
on my long walk back to my car this post was written in my head.
Why us? Why all of the chaos today, Lord?
I have on my rain boots, rain jacket, and have an umbrella over my head...Rain is gushing from the sky. A certain joy fills my soul as I walk in a storm with my rain gear. I go out of my way to walk through the puddles in order to enjoy the safety that my rain boots never fail to deliver.
The Lord is order in chaos. A certain peace can fill me up, as the things of the world sap me dry.
Isaiah 43
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush [a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth-
7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made."
I am called by His name...formed and made by Him..and created for His glory.
The Lord never fails to deliver.
- Mood:
jubilant
- Mood:
amused
He goes to bed at 8 wakes up around 830 and sleeps a 1030-12 nap and a 2p-3 nap. He has four teeth the front four, and is cutting some others, but they haven't broken the surface yet.
I write these details so I can remember when he is older...you may or may not care when he started wearing shoes... :) he he!
Jack and I did lots of fun stuff this past month! We went to the U2 concert, booked a December trip to the Bahamas without Jackson, went to an art show, and various uga games :) It was a fun month of watching our baby turn into a toddler before our eyes and taking time out to be together just the two of us, as well.
11-12 month pictures
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=15
- Mood:
bouncy
Jackson
I awoke this morning with words running through my brain...not just any words, but words that I felt the Lord wanted me to write to you. I grab a pen and the nearest piece of paper and start writing as fast as I can, so that I won't leave anything out. Here is what I wrote on September 5, 08 in
"The morning back in February is vivid in my mind. Waking up in bed next to Jack. Counting days, taking my temperature, counting days again...wide awake, eager, anxious. Lets just say,
Every day after that day and everyday before that day (for that matter) my body has been a vessel, a living, breathing temple in which the Lord has been working. He has been creating you, Jackson. We saw evidence of his miracle when we went to the doctor's office 4 weeks later and saw a fluttering pea sized heart on the ultrasound screen, the first time I felt your tiny foot push the inside of me 13 weeks after that, the day we saw your face, your eyes, looking at us at 22 weeks, and in these final weeks as I feel your head descending and your legs begin to stretch inside of my rib cage. Your Daddy and I just sit back in total awe of what the Lord has done and is doing inside of my body. We are watching and dreaming but can't see a day ahead to think of fathom what it will be like to be your parents. Psalm 139:13 says, "For you created my in most being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; you works are wonderful . I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, you saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be...
When I awake I am still with you."
Although in theory we both know we will soon be parents, we can not even imagine what it will be like to see you for the very first time, to hold your tiny body in our hands and call you son. We can't anticipate the love that we will feel when that first cry sounds loud and clear in the hospital room. But we don't need to be able to anticipate or imagine those things. We are only called to stand in stillness before the Lord and watch what He has ordained. What he has created. What he will bring to completion.
Here are some of his pictures from month one with captions of the birth story, etc...what a day it has been looking through all of these and remembering the first time I laid eyes on the miracle God had created inside of me..feeding him for the very first time...being up with him throughout the night for many many nights...etc..Things are so so so much easier now than they were in the beginning. We have surely arrived at a new normal.
(i am having trouble with facebook today...so if you can't get to the pictures now, try again tomorrow...)
O months :)
enjoy ;)
www.facebook.com/album.php
Isaiah 64:
6 All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.
7 No one calls on your name
or strives to lay hold of you;
for you have hidden your face from us
and made us waste away because of our sins.
8 Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.
my monkey is a genius...he was playing with his truck and I was sitting across the room...I say, "maybe we should read a book.." and he gets up, leaves his truck, walks over to the books, gets one, brings it over to me, and sits in my lap......I never realized how much they understand at 1y/o.
- Mood: amused
He goes to bed at 8 wakes up around 730a and sleeps a 1030-12 nap and a 3p-4 nap. He is only breastfeeding 1 time per day..and has weaned from 3 breast feeds to 1, but is still taking a bottle four times per day. He got two teeth in his tenth month on the other side of the ones he got last month. So now he has two front top and two front bottom teeth. He walks with support. And loves his new push truck.
10-11 month pictures
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=14
videos
pushing his truck
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1
watching a band on tv
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1
clapping
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1
- Mood:
thankful
James 1
1James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations:
Greetings.
Trials and Temptations
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.9The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.
12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
13When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.________________________________________
we have been studying James in women's bible study this fall...and i have had 3 different conversations with women in the study who have me thinking..so here i go with stream of consciousness again...i underlined the words that were making me uncomfortable in the passage above from James..as a believer who acknowledges that i am depraved, unable to do anything apart from Christ, saved by Grace alone; i become very uncomfortable when i hear imperatives in scripture..but there is a problem with that..there is a dissonance when you are a believer, but the word makes you uncomfortable..there are imperatives in almost every book of the bible...as I look into this crisis of belief further by having some challenging conversations with other believers, i realize there are some blurry areas in the theology that is in my mind..and as one of my friends pointed out, "we have to be willing to change the stuff that is in our minds, if it is not jiving with what is in the Word"...
so here it is:
i am the Christian who knows I can't do anything apart from Christ, and I am aware of much of my sin..and the patterns and the hurt it causes others...but that is where it normally stops. what the Lord is teaching me is that it is imperative that as I am confronted with that sin, i repent of it, and turn back to obedience once again..since I know i am never going to reach perfection, i would just kind of live in that imperfect state as my reality and never attempt obedience because, after all i knew the end result...The Lord is showing me the importance of obedience to His Word and repentance when I fall into sin.
Not only has He given me forgiveness with His death on the cross, He has granted me the gift of being able to enjoy a full life of obeying His word and repenting of my sinfulness.
Rev 3: 2Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. 3Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent.
Is 30: 15 "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength..
Romans 1:5
Through him and for his name's sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people from among all the Gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith.
Romans 6:16
Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?
and there are many more passages where these came from.. :)
- Mood: cheerful
James 1:2-8
Testing of Your Faith
2(E) Count it all joy, my brothers,[b] when you meet trials(F) of various kinds, 3for you know that(G) the testing of your faith(H) produces steadfastness (hyper-stand). 4And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be(I) perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (on the day of completion). 5(J) If any of you lacks wisdom,(K) let him ask God,(L) who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6But(M) let him ask in faith,(N) with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like(O) a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8(P) he is a double-minded man,(Q) unstable in all his ways.
________________________________________
This is what we have been studying in womens bible study...and i have been thinking on and chewing on something for a few days..thought writing it out would help process.
There is a battle inside of me between steadfastness and instability. Steadfastness in greek means hyper-stand...not just to stand, but to stand fully without any wavering...versus unstable..a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind..
How can you be a rock and a wave at the same time? it seems that the passage above is saying that you can't be both... maybe I am a wave being made into a rock? I long to live in complete perseverance. I long to hyper-stand...yet, most of the time must admit that, I feel more like I am being blown and tossed about by the wind.
Philippians 1:6 (New International Version) being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Praise God...He will do it!
we are down to two feeds per day ..one in the morning first thing (my favorite one and the one that will be hardest to give up) and then one at 4pm which will be easy to give up because i sometimes even forget that i need to do it...the sadness has faded with time. i am no longer crying everyday about it. i am positive i will cry when i give up the morning one..he turns 1 oct 14th and i will probably give up that morning feed sometime around then. you can be praying when october hits, because i am pretty sure that will be a hard month for me..maybe, not..but we will be safe :)
jack and i went out on saturday night without jackson to a margarita party :) a birthday party for a friend..catered mexican and a margarita machine...it was really good to get out. it was one of those parties where the women and men were segregated. ie the men playing men games and the women having girl talk at a table..it was so fun! i will admit, however, that part of me was sort of sad that jack and i didn't get more time to be together...i miss being with him "sin-stress of having a monkey with us"..
monkey was staying with my friend from when i taught second grade who lives down the street from us and her hubby...he was very weepy while they were here..he tends to be quite weepy later in the day..and so i felt kind of bad that they were doing us a favor and didn't get to enjoy the time with jackson..
in the nursery at church on sunday he was whiney too.. he would go over and beg for an animal cracker and then go play and then go back over and beg again when he finished the cracker..don't know if it was about me being gone or if it was about him wanting animal crackers..but i am def starting to see his sin nature lately...ie. i want what i want and will do whatever it takes to get it...and starting to see him going through a little separation anxiety when we i leave the room or hand him over to someone else.
i am excited about this week...wbs is starting on tuesday, small group is starting on wednesday...falcons cheerleading is on tuesday and thursday..love all of these things...
I have a new job..i am working really really part time at the church..i am in charge of night nursery..it is the perfect job for me..about 2.5 hours of time online organizing and planning per week...no time away from jackson...
prayer requests
that jack and i will hold fast to our conviction to read the bible together 'semi-daily'
that the weaning process will continue to be smooth
that i will wait on the Lord in my days
and
(this request is not for the faint of heart...if you don't want tmi don't read this paragraph)..
you can pray..we are doing natural family planning...sort of..meaning i can feel my ovulation on or around day 12-15...then from day 20-day 5 of my cycle we don't use condoms....pray for no babies, pray for me to be willing to engage in sex more often during that time (we already do it like once per day..but without condoms, jack is even more all about it..ha), finally pray for no babies...ha!
as my friend heather pointed out, soon he will look up at me and say, "mommy, i love you"...
- Mood:
sad
jackson crawled into his toy box yesterday...
smokey is whining to go outside and making me crazy...
jack is at work..
I am excited about the weekend.
her electric collar that keeps her from jumping the fence is in the yard..and grace has exited the crime scene...ok, so half of me was relieved when she was gone..only for a few minutes..then i started thinking about her out on her own in the big bad world...hungry (because she left before her ole roy dinner)...maybe at the pound...maybe on the side of the road dead...and i can't sleep. I want grace to find a home with a family that has more love to give and less animals to antagonize her...i don't want her all alone at night on the streets...
Lord, i don't know if you oversee dogs...but, if you do, will you watch over my dog, grace, tonight. keep her safe and give her dinner and help her find a good home or bring her back to this one. amen.
- Mood: sad
well we settled our issues (for now anyways..) and today i was reading scripture (which i am not good about doing everyday, but i do try to do it often...you can pray for me on that..) and i came across this passage...
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.." Isa 30:15
repentance, rest, quietness and trust...are words that are foreign to my walk...and as a result I often don't live like i am saved and often don't draw upon the Lord's strength..
jack's words to "slow down" are reverberating in my mind along with the words of the Lord: repentance, rest, quietness, trust..none of these things are true of me...Lord, will you make "the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, o Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14"
- Mood:
contemplative
a side note...we waited in the lobby (jack too..which is the world's worst "waiter"...) for 2 hours..then i went up front and they told me that i should have signed in!!! augh!!! I gave all of my info to the receptionist..but obviously you still have to sign the clipboard!!! sorry, jack! he was so patient!
thank you for praying :) i felt peace all the way to the breast center this a.m..although i was nervous...it just kept thinking women have been in my same situation to find out they have aggressive cancer..and it just really made me sympathetic to what they must go through...keep praying for monday's visit.
off to the beach!
- Mood: bouncy
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sassyteach- Heather
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